(jokes) try to keep them clean!!

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.

She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.

He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit,

They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.

He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.

He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her

Straps fall to show a little more skin.

She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

"Now. Tell HIM you have a headache."

A store has opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a
> husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:
>
> "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of
> the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item
> from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but
> you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building?
>
> So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
>
> -The 1st floor sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs
> -The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
> -The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and
> are extremely good looking.
>
> "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
>
> -She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have
> Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
>
> "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
>
> -Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men
> Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and
> Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
>
> She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign
> reads:
>
> -Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
> this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
> to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
>
> To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store
> just across the street.
>
> -The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
> -The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
>
> -The 3rd - 6th floors have never been visited.

A fish swims in to a wall and says "dam"

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

Just2Much19 wrote:How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

I've never heard that one before! That one's goin around the office

I stold this from FFC


The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait !!!!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "
Burritos again! If I get burritos! one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond e opened his lunch an d said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw



corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."


(Oh this is GOOD!!)?


Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch"

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"

Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?
She wanted to get a dark tan.

What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
"Just flush it like everybody else does."

Hear about the blonde explorer?
She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.

Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed?
She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.

What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off of a cliff.

How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?
So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A space invader.

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
Branch manager.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk."

A midget in Texas went to the doctor because his testicles ached almost all the time. The doctor told him to stand on the examining table and drop his pants. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough (the usual method to check for a hernia). " Aha!" mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to turn and cough again. "Aha!" Said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side; snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if his testicles still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. The midget replied, "perfect, doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?" The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

Little Johnny walks in on his dad $%^&ing Johnny's mom from behind. Johnny's dad looks over at Johnny and winks. Johnny walked out &^%$ed off. The next day Johnny's dad walks in on Johnny $%^&ing his Grandma, Little Johnny looks over at his dad and winks then says "Not so funny when it's your mom huh!!!"

ha ha